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MBE: Catch a Falling Star Chapter 1

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Description

After a long wait, a new story chapter in MU BETA EPSILON. The girls of Mu Beta Epsilon combine staggering intelligence with equally drastic loneliness. Tired of watching men go off with busty, sexy women, they take a challenge to find a way, ANY way short of radical surgery to change their plain forms into knockout bodies! But as each woman finds her fantasy through science, magic, or just plain luck, will her dream body bring more trouble than triumph?

This chapter introduces Jordan, an astronomy student and secret UFO nut. By chance and design she gets the close encounter of her dreams... but the event proves both less and far, far more than she ever dared to dream...

More writing will depend on donations- this is very much going to be a for-profit enterprise. A link is at the end of the story- or just Google Superboobs Online...
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© 2012 - 2024 redneckgaijin
Comments2
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:star::star::star::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Vision
:star::star-half::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Impact

I enjoyed this story. It was very well written, and a credit to both your writing style and your grasp of vocabulary. The Green Lantern expy was what sold it for me, though; There are a number of interesting places you could go from that beginning. I also was pleased by the fact that you decided to begin a central plot-line to this portion of the Bet series; with the rest of the entries possibly only standing together, with nothing extemporaneous to bring to the story except the protagonists, this entry allows for a greater narrative. Very nice.

However, you allowed yourself to be caught in the Star Trek Trap; that of non-interference. This wasn't justified by the rest of the narrative, and both of the alien characters came off as being arrogant in their "superiority", as well as unnecessary for the storyline, when the absence of such a detail would not have diminished the quality of the story in the least.